Sunday, January 22, 2006

And They Call It a Buffet.

You know, there are buffets and then there are buffets at five star hotels. The difference? Not much…

You have the regular buffet in the neighborhood restaurant that serves a selections of things that probably are of interest to you are you probably would not be there. There usually is just the regular crowd there who you see every once in a while but you have no idea who they are so you never talk to them. But that is another story..

Then you have the Five Star Hotel brunch buffet held in the GRAND BALLROOM that holds a zillion people and has so much stuff to eat you spend all of the first half hour walking around bumping into the other people walking around looking at all of the food. And since there are five meals being prepared in a small area it gets pretty crowded.

And the people…!!? Let me tell you about the people. There are a variety of different types of people who go to buffets.

In the small neighborhood buffet you have the ‘blue hair’ crowd that like the price and the variety.

You have the ‘small families’ that like the price. Then you have the ‘couples’ who come for the quality and the price.

It is a toss up on which of these groups of people really know where the buffet line begins. The ‘blue hairs’ just pick up a plate and use it like a sword to cut into the buffet line wherever they want to start, and then reach both ways down the line to get a teaspoon of everything..

Then you have the picky eaters that stand at the buffet like it was a trough tasting everything in reach, telling all what they don’t like and then usually end up at the desert line with a shovel…

Now getting to the meat of the matter(pardon the pun), but at the Five Star Hotel Brunch you have all of these type of people plus the ‘out-of-towners’ who come from one of the moons of Saturn where they obviously had left their manors.. The ‘out-of-towners’ come in all shapes and sizes with their leader being the ‘ladies in the mink stoles’ who want you to see the mink stole by standing at the Prime Rib carver and commenting on how ‘rare’ the meat looks. You will usually make contact with the Ladies in the Mick Stoles’ while they are moving over to order an omelet. They usually will not have any idea what they want in it. At this feeding the cook only waited a second before he did the right thing by going to the next person in line (me). Seeing that the mink stole was moving my way, I rattle off my order quickly knowing that the mink stole may come a live and attack me, which it didn’t, but the lady wearing it got all huffed up because on her planet the cooks are suppose to stand at attention in their presence while they get a tongue lashing about ‘if this was a true five star hotel I would not be treated like this’. Not sure what took place after I left, but I think the cook had to use two omelet pans to cook up an omelet for the ‘mink stole lady’..

Then you have the specialist that come from the same planet as the ‘ladies with the mink stole’, but they are different because they only wanting a particular part of an item on the buffet. Like the bone of the Prime Rib, which had been taken off in the kitchen, but they want it brought out for their plate. The specialists only want the kidney beans that are in the three bean salad, so they stand at the salad table picking out kidney beans. And, yes the classic that the specialist is know for is the ‘desert dissection’ … The specialist are the ones you see taking the icing off the top of the chocolate cake and placing it on their plates and leaving the cake. Or, cutting off the tips of a dozen pieces of pie and placing them on their plate like little trophies..

I am not sure where America is going with its mix of cultures and the decay of proper manors. I would hope that somehow there will be someone other than DR Phil who takes personal action to tell these people what is expected. I am sure in time things will change.

So, the next time you go to a buffet look for these freaks of nature and ask yourself, ‘why do they call this a buffet?’


About The Author: As President of Innovative Business Golf Solutions, Scot Duke provides over 31 years of corporate management experience to helping small businesses improve their marketing strategies.

Author of: ‘How To Play Business Golf’, From The Boardroom To The Fairways…

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