Friday, September 08, 2006

Driver License Renewal: In Black Ink Only, Please!

Yes, it is time again to go and renew my driver’s license.  The only memory I have about the last time I went to renew my license was the line.  This time: It was the line and the forms….

Oh, it was not the forms I had to fill out in Black Ink Only, it was the book of forms the guy from Russia who was in front of me and the guy with the DUI in front of him and the 90 year old lady with her daughter who did all of the talking in front of him and all of the forms they had to fill out that was what was different this trip.

“Take this form fill it out in black ink and bring it back when you are through.” was he instructions from the clerk.

On the form there were questions like, ‘has anything changed in your health since you last renewal’ that will really slow you down.  Do they want to know about the virus I had last summer that caused me to lose 10 pounds or how about the fever I got two winters ago that kept me in the bed for a week?  There was not enough room to fill all of that out so ‘No’ was the answer.

If you answer ‘Yes’ please go to question five and continue.  Wow, there were only 10 questions so if I answer yes on the first questions I got a bonus and did not having to answer the next four questions.  What an incentive….but I answered NO so I had to answer the next five questions…matter of fact when I got to question five, I had to answer that one too…..NO, No, No,

OK, got that through, now it is my mailing address and driver’s license number. 

And the answer to the next questions is Yes, my residence address is the same as the mailing address.

OK, now they want me to sign it and I ws done…for the forms part.  Looking up, there was another line and most of them were the people from the original line I was in.  This time I was behind the DUI and he was behind the Russia who filled out all of his papers and now had to produce his VISA…”Oh, where is that thing?   OH, yes, I left it in my car”…NEXT.

DUI, guy was up now and his story was he was found not guilty for DUI and was told that he would have his license mailed back to him in ten days and today is the tenth day, he wanted his license.   “Sir, our reports do not show that the judge has released your license and your status is still in code Red”, said the clerk.  She picked up the phone and before she got the phone back on the receiver there was one of the DPS’s finest stand like a Marine Drill Instructor in this guys face asking him to ‘Please, step into his office’.  And the there was a SLAM.

Oh to be at the DPS License Bureau.  You kinda fill safe there…

OH, I am next, ‘Thank You sir, if you will take this form and put it with the forms you filled out and get in the line going into the second door someone will be right with you’, reports the clerk with a smile.   Well, OK then…off to to the third line I have been in.

This line had been there as long as I had been in the two lines I had already been in.  But this time I could see through the door where there was a counter with a number of people taking other peoples fingers prints and photos….OK, we are getting to the end…NOT!

As it is every time I go to the DPS there are some really strange people standing around looking at everyone strangely.  This made looking down at the forms I had in my hand was the safest thing I could do.

Wait a minute, it says on this new form that this form needs to be filled out in Black Ink and presented to the clerk along with my DL and Social Security Card….what tha…?  Not having a pen with me I knew that if I got out of the line to go get a pin I would have to get back into the end of the line.  There now was four people behind me and I was second in line…OH, well, if they want me to fill the form out I will have to do it inside.

NEXT, OK, here I go, I am next..   Looking down the length of the counter I noticed that not all of the positions were filled and the clerk that was at the information desk was now heading for one of the empty positions.  NEXT, she yelled.  And it was show time for me.  I was moving right up to the counter.

‘Your forms sir?’ the clerk reported.  Here is the moment I was waiting for on the blank form and anticipating to hear the clerks say ‘Sir, you will need to fill this form out and then get back in line’.  So I was prepared with my line to explain why.   But instead she said, ‘I am not sure why you got this form.  We don’t do anything with it.’  My reply, ‘Well, you gave it to me’. 

OH, why did I say that? That came out totally wrong.  If there was something that I learned in my younger days when getting pulled over on Friday night by the DPS was routine, was to never say anything but ‘Yes, Sir’ and ‘Yes Madame’.  And the thing to remember is to never, ever, ever get smart with a DPS clerk unless you want your license sent to you in six months with a picture of a gorilla in place of your picture.  You FOOL! …So I grimmest waiting for the dart to my neck.

“OH, yes, you are the one who was behind the DUI we…well; I can tell you what we did.”, she said quickly changing the subject to “read line four in the viewer’

Then came, ‘That will be $24.  Place your left thumb in the slot, now your right thumb in the slot, place your toes on the line and your chin up….BAM!, Thank you sir and have a great day.’

AWHHHHHH another renewal finished… I will report back in six years when I have to do it again to let you know what is new then. Hopefully this clerk isn’t there when I return.


Scot Duke,  President of Innovative Business Golf Solutions, provides over 31 years of corporate management experience to helping small businesses improve their marketing strategies. As author of: How To Play Business Golf, Mr. Duke outlines the steps to sucessfully using golf as a business tool.  To learn more about Mr. Duke, IBGS or to purchase How To Play Business Golf visit




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